The cynical optimist

I am a writer, 2018 hasn’t been kind to me in that aspect, two weeks have passed and I have written an astounding total of 0 words in fact I haven’t written a single word since November 29th, 2017. Just last year a gap that long between writing would have driven me up a tree, but this time Life whizzed by in the blink of an eye. Work hours added up, I had lost all motivation to be a writer. Does that mean I wasn’t one anymore? Had I left that part of me behind?

Tonight, I finally got fed up, its a sunday night,I have no work in the morning and I can focus on my writing, and hey! one of my favorite youtube channels was streaming a live write-in, the stars aligned I could finally write words with that amazing fire of doing the thing I loved doing again. The Youtube channel gets the livestream going and I’m excited, I’m fired up and they announce the first writing sprint, I have my Word Document open and the cursor on the screen blinks at me.

At first the blinking is enticing

The blinking is telling me, move me with your words, move me with your brilliance.

And then the blinking began to mock me

The blinking sneered and joked and laughed at my feeble attempts to move it.

YOU ARE NO WRITER. It called in a deep booming voice.

YOU ARE A FAKE, A FRAUD!

I tried to come up with an idea, something to get the ball rolling, but the voice of the blinking overpowered it.

I wrote some words..it was small but I still wrote them, the problem was they were the beginning of a story I didn’t know, and maybe even a story I wasn’t supposed to write, I ended up looking through stories that I had abandoned and came across one very ambiguously name NaNoWriMo2016 so I clicked on it and started to read and I was immediately sucked back into the world I had created,I was intrigued by the story, I couldn’t wait to dive back into the world of Magic, dream weavers, goddesses (or not) I couldn’t wait to see what this project brings, It needs a lot of work, but it’s work that I am excited for….

I guess all of this in the end is my attempt to reaffirm within myself the words I said at the very beginning of this whole blabbering post.

I am a writer…

Sometimes I need to remind myself.

I am a writer…

I like the sound of that….