The cynical optimist

How do you even write a review for the year we’ve had? A global pandemic, civil unrest, political turmoil, murder hornets! All of these things played out on a national and global scale, so I feel like adding my voice to all of the noise on those topics won’t help anybody, so i’m going to focus on the smaller things.

The big question I came into this year with was what’s next? I was engaged, in a job that I hated, my wedding was on the horizon, I had big plans for this blog and my writing career in general and everything was happening way to quickly and in a way I wished for it all to stop, to hit the breaks because it felt like I was about to barrel off a cliff into a world of uncertainty and confusion, I even said I was scared for what 2020 might bring in my first blog post of the year.

Well, I guess in a way I got the pause that I was hoping for with the pandemic time slowed, the chaos quieted and in that quiet I heard the voice of someone who was lost. If this year has shown me anything it’s that I have no idea what I’m doing, I turn 30 next year and I’m still trying to find a map, still wandering through the woods without a path. I still don’t have an answer to What Next? and I went into this year with that thought terrifying me and if I’m fully truthful which I always try to be on this blog it still does terrify me, I don’t know what I want to be in my life, I haven’t figured myself out, but while that still does scare me; the one thing that 2020 has done for me that I don’t think any year could have drilled into me in quite the same way is

This life is fragile…

I am not an organized person, I never really have been, but it took me YEARS for me to propose to my Fiance because I had this preconcieved notion that I had to be in a stable career, I had to have money, I had this whole checklist of stuff that I may quite frankly never meet even now, I don’t think I quite meet those standards.

I have this idea in my head that by 30 I should have everything figured out, I should be moving towards a goal, or have already achieved that goal and I don’t know if I should be panicking about it even over a year away from that completely fabricated deadline.

2020, this dumpster fire of a year, has made me realize that none of those deadlines matter. We all are doing our best to get through this life and we all move through it at our own pace, that instead of focusing on getting out of the woods I should pause and look at the trees and take in the life all around me. We only get one shot at this life and i’ve spent far too long looking back and looking ahead and far to little time being here and being present and that’s the kind of energy i’m going to be trying to take into 2021…appreciate life, appreciate the journey, grab opportunity, don’t be afraid to fail and to celebrate the small moments because if I do that, then I guess I’ll be doing alright in this world.
Here’s to saying goodbye to 2020 and Hello to a new year and a new life.

Happy New Year everyone, thank you being here during the last year and I can’t wait to share this next year with you all.