The cynical optimist

I’ve been gone for quite a while, my last post was 18 days into 2023 and now here we are a week into August. My last post was about “Living in the pause” In the moment between breaths, in the moment where you are about to drop on the roller coaster and time itself seems to slow down. Everything about my life seemed to come to a halt, I was no longer looking for a career, I was no longer making any progress in my relationships, I wasn’t reading, I was writing, I was existing because I had no other choice. I was not living.

Unfortunately, one of the casualties of living in this pause was this blog, and I don’t know if I’ve lost any momentum I may have been building, 8 months away is no joke, and to any of you still here who may read this, if there is anybody still here and I’m not just shouting into the nothingness…to any of you who will read this…thank you for being here, thank you for continuing to be here, I appreciate any and all of you.

I think I’m finally beginning to emerge from the pause, I believe that I’m beginning to piece myself together, I think I’ve become more of me than I ever have been, and the weirdest thing for me is it was really when the world was falling apart for me that I finally began to see me for the first time.

I’m reading again, In fact I’m so starved for good stories and books that I’ve started reading multiple books at once which is something I’ve never done before.

I’m writing again, I wrote 10,000 words over the last 5 days of July of a brand new WIP in a genre I’ve never written before, I’m writing this post, I have plans and ideas and I’m thinking of reaching out to a few people to Beta read for me for the novels I’ve been working on for years.

I can’t say that I’ve really sincerely looked for a career to get me out of the job that i’m currently in, but there is a strange sort of peace there, my co-workers are mostly amazing and they’ve helped me in more ways than I have the time and words to explain. I don’t like the company, but the people who make it up at the store level are some of the best people and it makes it way harder to leave.

I’ve made a lot of good friends over the last few months, I’ve made connections with people that I will always appreciate, I have rekindled old friendships, as well as burned a few bridges, but the bridges that I’ve burned were necessary casualties, I had to finish burning my old self to the ground to turn into the person I am now. I still have a lot to work on. But the wheels have begun to move, I am no longer stuck in the mud, I am no longer living in stasis, in the pause, in the moment between breaths. I am once again living because I want to, living because there are things to live for, things I want to do, to accomplish…

And now after these past few months I feel like I am actually equipped to deal with life a lot better, because now I can take on problems that life may throw at me with a better sense of myself, With a stronger sense of self and I’m excited for the first time in a long time for tomorrow, and not dreading it.

So, let me just say one more time, if anybody is reading this, if there are still people around after an 8 month hiatus, Thank you for still being here.

If this is your first post you’ve ever read of mine, well, welcome and I hope you enjoy your time here and thank you for being here as well I appreciate each and every one of you.

Hopefully, this means I’ll be back to posting more regularly again, so, let’s take on the rest of 2023 with positivity, fun and hope. We have some major challenges up ahead, but with hope and love and light, I think we will be okay.