The cynical optimist

I have no place in this world if you want to call it that. No label, stereotype, characterization. My interests do not fit nicely into a little box. I am a misfit.

For a long time growing up this absolutely sucked. In middle and high school while I was searching for where I belonged and trying to understand who I was I found I had no place. I took one of those internet quizzes that were like

“Take this quiz to find out where you belong!”

And the literal answer I got that day was nowhere. I was nothing…

Throughout high school I made friends but we were all just misfits that found each other we didn’t find a home so we made one together.

I floated through my school years tethered to nowhere, longing for a home but being stuck on the island of misfit toys.

Now I’m working and guess what? I still don’t fully belong anywhere. There are cliques, mostly the morning crew stays with the morning crew and the night crew stays with the night crew and I have somehow once again found myself in the middle as I both open and close the store and I’m in both circles of friends but as a co-worker said. “You have the morning crew and the night crew, and then there’s you. You’re kinda in the middle you have always been there, you’ve always been just Jeff.” I’m just me, there but not really part of them, just me.

And that kinda sucked for a bit. 10 years removed from high school and I still have no place. No group. No clique.

But as I was going to write this post it hit me.

I should be thankful I don’t really fit anywhere. I have no image to uphold, I can be utterly and uniquely me.

I wish I had this revelation when I was younger. I was to busy being upset that I didn’t belong that I didn’t realize I could have been blazing my own path, owning my truth that I am a misfit, a wierdo, an outcast.

This is the life I am going to try to lead from here on out, a life proudly in the middle. A life where I celebrate my own uniqueness. A life where I’m proud to float between groups, it’ll allow me to reach more people and hopefully help more people.

I am just Jeff and I am learning to love my little island of misfit toys.